Can a sales blog be royal?

Sure it can, but not in terms of royal lineage, such as the corrupt grandfather of our current king, but more in the urban definition of royal: ‘to give something great value’ and ‘when something is beyond what you expect’.     

That’s a cheap shot, that joke about the corrupt grandfather…

What do you mean? He was corrupt, wasn’t he? Casting that aside however, we’d like to crown him King of Sales. We award him that honorary title not just because he loved women and cars but, above all, because he sold himself brilliantly to his in-laws and mastered every single one of Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power.  

Is it true that King Willem Alexander legally made you stop using the term ‘Royal’?

Well, one of his obedient subordinates, the Commissioner to the King, Wim van de Donk, has indeed attempted that very thing by a written decree. We published our appeal to his letter, by return. No sign of life ever since.

Why do you have such a confrontational style?

Royal Dutch Sales is averse to everything that everybody does, and rages passionately against apathetic mediocrity amongst average salespeople all over the globe. How can that be done without being confrontational?      

Why can’t I leave any comments on Royal Dutch Sales?

People only seem to ask me that since the moment I stopped allowing it. When it was allowed you didn’t do it and now that you can’t, suddenly you want to?    

Sorry, man. I was just asking…

I’m a big believer in the digital discussion, as long as I don’t have to participate. It’s such a distraction for me though.

Is there a silver bullet to sales? If so, what is it?

Not really, but there is something called marketing. Here’s an example: “Make €100.000 a month selling courses on how to create a course that makes six figures a month”. Get the point? If you’re marketing is good, you don’t have to sell a damn thing.

What’s your pitch?

Yawn. People that ask what you do – that’s so boring. Can’t you think of something else to ask? What don’t you ask me what I like, instead? Anyway, I only go to places where I don’t need to be introduced or where I am introduced. I don’t pave the way for people; people pave the way for me.

To whom are you writing this FAQ?

To anyone who keeps asking the same questions, for fanatics with abject propositions and infamous puns, but mostly for you – the one who can spot the humor herein.

Why don’t you have coffee with people who want to meet you?

Because it always ends in a lengthy, one-sided conversation with me as the subject. I prefer to meet people over the phone. I only meet for coffee when there’s a genuine business opportunity.   

"Royal Dutch Sales aspires to zero commercial goals”. How can that be true given your background?

This site is my public platform where I can freely write my opinions that are based on my experiences in the commercial arena. I’m wiping the dust off my clothes, so to speak.    

Put another way: what are you trying to achieve?

I’m trying to prove to people that you won’t get ahead faster than others by doing what everyone else is doing. And it’s amazing how apathetically people respond to that statement. Sadly, it’s the vast majority of salespeople and bosses who lack inspiration to go the extra mile. 

When are you publishing your first book?

When absolutely nobody is expecting me to, that’s when. And that could happen any time or maybe never happen at all. Don’t wanna wait? Print out all my published articles and slap them in a notebook. There’s your book.

What kind of people do you like to spend time with?

People who think big, who are not satisfied with the status quo and who take full responsibility for their actions. People who don’t take life too seriously, who have a self-deprecating sense of humor and who absolutey refuse to drink bad wine. Because we can hardly think of anything worse than drinking bad wine.

What is the best advice you’ve ever gotten?

I get very prickly at the advice hype given by questionable types that attempt to coach others to be successful while barely owning a healthy buck themselves. It just makes me wanna say: get a job!

You spent years complaining about public speaking and now you’re doing it yourself. Isn’t that hypocritical?

I was convinced about the benefits of public speaking when I calculated that, by giving three keynote speeches of 45 minutes each, I could spend two weeks at a 5 star resort in Fiji. And when I’m there in Fiji, I very hypocritically sip a mojito and gaze out at the ocean.  

Why are you such an activist against cold calling?

Because you shouldn’t do that to people. Not to salespeople and not to potential clients either. It’s unseemly and the stupidest way to get new business. Why do something you always lose at? C’mon, answer me! Anyone who can’t come up with better ideas to win new clients lacks simple common sense.